Frustrations

I'll admit it. I find not being employed incredibly frustrating. Maybe it's not so much being unemployed as it is a combination of being unemployed, disengaged, and disconnected. I haven't been in Montreal long enough to really feel like it is my home, and yet here I am.

I thought that perhaps, after five years of full time school, then six months of balancing teaching full time plus attempting to hold on to the life of a student, perhaps I would enjoy some down time. But I never thought that not having anything to do could be so difficult! I find that without any obligations or commitments, I don't get very much done in terms of what I want to do or what I should do. I feel like I'm wasting my time and talent. That every moment spent out of a classroom, out of an office, out of a studio...is a moment that I am disintegrating as an artist, teacher and business person.

It's not all bad, honestly. For one thing, I can safely say that I am getting more sleep every night than I got in two average nights combined while I was in school, especially during my masters. That is a HUGE perk, because I feel like I'm able to think about everything in at least a level-headed way.

That said, I've applied for two dozen jobs...since I got my work permit.
Good news: I was called for two interviews at nonprofits!
Bad news: I couldn't take the interviews because it turns out that most nonprofit jobs are funded by a government program that targets hiring Quebec citizens. Citizens and permanent residents. Although I have a work permit, that's not me. Talk about frustration!

I want to DO something! When I wrote my Lifelong Learning post a few weeks ago, I mentioned all of the things that I'm doing to keep myself busy, things that I previously wouldn't have necessarily considered doing...and truth be told, I AM enjoying doing those things. I just need to figure out how to spin all of this for myself. B spends so much time talking me down off of this cliff of going stir crazy, telling me that spending a year doing things for myself is more than fine, great in fact!

This is all going to take time, and I need to work on coming out of my shell and exploring the city. I've always wanted to live in the city, and now I am, so I need to take advantage of this. I plan to continue to apply for jobs here, but I am going to try to spend my down time being happy rather than moping. We'll see how that goes.